Who are you and what have you done with Nasima?

It was a cold, wet gloomy day in Jozi. It's been raining since yesterday. I awoke this morning to the sound of a steady flow of rain on the window. I thought ok I'm not going to gym. A second later I knew I would later regret my decision. So I jumped outta bed and got ready and went to gym.

It was an amazing session. 75 min spin class with one of my favourite instructors Lynette. It's the kind of session where there's sweat dripping off your face and body. You leave the gym drenched and damn does it feel good. It's the perfect way to start your day especially in winter when the cold air is a welcome relief.

I wasn't always this gym bunny. In high school I wasn't athletic but I did participate in sports. Namely netball and volleyball. When I left school gym was the last thing on my mind.

After Uni when I started working I joined the gym purely to avoid traffic! Work was 45 kms from home and this journey could take up to 2 hours in traffic. So I went to gym after work and got home in an hour.I can't say that I thoroughly enjoyed it though, it was fun but I hardly ever worked up a major sweat or felt my heart racing.

In the throes of my depression I would get frustrated when people told me 'oh why don't you just excercise you'll feel better'. I didnt want to exercise. Yes I'd heard all the stories about the endorphins and feel good chemicals blah blah blah. But I hated the treadmill, it's kinda like running nowhere slowly. I remember having a conversation with Natasha about whether a healthy mind or a healthy body comes first. I couldn't figure it out. My mind certainly wasn't healthy and as a result my body didnt feel healthy either. I felt tired all the time and sluggish.

A visit to the Gynea was an eye opener for me. I had the shock of my life when I stood on the scale. Certainly I can't weigh that much! I realized an intervention was necessary. So off I went to join the gym. I knew I hated the treadmill and all those other ghastly cardiovascular machines. On my first trip to the gym I tried a spinning class and I was hooked immediately! The evening classes are intense. The lights are off and there's music and nothing else exists except yourself and the bike. For the first time in years my mind actually completely shut down. You have the benefit of a 'group' class but at the same time you're actually going at your own pace, the added bonus of a yummy spinning instructor, to motivate you, was the cherry on the cake for me.

I set myself a 12 week spinning challenge in Jan this year. I had to go to gym 6 days a week for 12 weeks. It was more to test my mental strength than anything else. Much to my surprise I was and still am amazed at how much fitter and stronger I felt after each class. Much to my delight I've managed to lose 7kgs. So now I know that a healthy mind and a healthy body go hand in hand. I'm going to gym now because I actually enjoy it. I never in a million years thought that those words would come out of my mouth! Lol!

I've already decided that my next challenge will be to run a 5 or 10 km race. Will keep you updated on that!

I've never felt fitter or healthier in my life. I don't just mean physically I mean mentally too. I'm actually considering cutting the umbilical cord by not seeing Natasha anymore. The blogging is cathartic for me and the exercise can be my new form of therapy. (Will see how this pans out)

My body is my temple. I finally get it.

Toodles

Therapy day

So I saw Natasha today.

Since Anees was 4 months old I've been seeing Natasha. He had a raging ear infection and had spent the first 4 months of his life projectile vomiting, breastfeeding sometimes hourly and not sleeping longer than 20 mins at times. He didnt have 'baby soft' skin like I thought he would, he had bad ezcema and often scratched himself open. On that day I called Zaid and instructed him to come home immediately because Anees would not stop crying uncontrollably. It was just too much to handle. Something was wrong, I called the pead and set up an appointment. She looked him over for 2 mins and said he had reflux and was lactose intolerant and said I should start him on solids immediately and stop breastfeeding. I was a blubbering mess in her office that day. That was the day she told me she thought I had PND and suggested I see someone. That was the start of my relationship with Natasha.

PND? What's that? Depressed? Me? No! Yes there are times when I cry for no reason and times when I just wish the world away. But no I'm not depressed.The first appointment was the most difficult. It's kinda awkward like a first date lol!

Now Natasha is an integral part of my existence. I look forward to our monthly appointments where I can offload and process everything that's happened to me. Therapy gives me time to reflect and a chance to just pack things away and not to hold onto anything.

I feel so much 'lighter' after a session. I'm good to go for the next month. Lol

Xxx

Hello, hello...

Been toying with this blogging idea for a while. Finally decided to do it as an online journal for myself and my boys.

Hi, I'm Nasima. Wife, mother, dental hygienist, daughter, sister, spinning addict. I have 2 beautiful boys and an amazing husband, who's been in my life for the last 12 years. When I had my first son, I lost myself to the overwhelming responsibility of motherhood and ended up with PND. This sent me on a deep and dark journey of self discovery. I've found myself again. This blog is dedicated to cherishing everything in my life. The good, the bad and the ugly will be documented here so that my boys will eventually have an idea of the true essence of me.

From Nasima, with love